June 23, 2009 at 6:52 pm (Christian women)
Tags: Christian women, encouragement, fellowship, friendship, girlfriends, Hebrews, stress relief
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25)
I relish time spent with my girlfriends–either one on one, or in groups. It seems that as I get older it gets more challenging to find time to nourish friendships–and generally I think it is harder to make new friends. This was especially hard for me after moving to a new, much smaller town. Even with this transition, I have a couple of great girlfriends who make the effort (and drive) so we can meet up and spend time together catching up, shopping, having lunch and other fun girlie activities. The Lord also pointed out to me that “she who wants friends must show herself friendly.” With that advice, the Lord put a couple of ladies on my heart that I work with, and I asked them to lunch. All friendships are such a joy–and it is a simple pleasure to put time into new ones. I believe women have almost a physical need for fellowship and mutual encouragement with other women. There are so many things we need to talk about that our husbands simply do not and will not share our interest in.
Today, my colleague and girlfriend were discussing how our semi-free week was quickly filling up with unforeseen responsibilities and extra work. I said, “I have been having this fantasy about taking an afternoon off and going to get a fancy coffee drink, maybe see a movie–”
She cut me off, as if I had thrown her a lifeline that might disappear at any second. “When?! When can you go?” she asked.
We decided to seize the day and be impulsive. We enjoyed a leisurely lunch and visit, followed by a matinee of The Proposal, a chick-flick that our husband would have had little interest in. I drove home from our afternoon fun feeling refreshed and grateful for all of my women friends–the ones I see daily, the ones I stay in touch with purely by phone, right down to my mother, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law. Besides, being fun and rejuvenating, time to talk and laugh with the girls is the best form of stress-relief!
No one will say it’s easy to find time to socialize with friends, but it is so worth it! The Bible even says not go give up meeting together–and implies that this is a “habit” that some fall into. We need to spend time together to offer encouragement and support, and that is not confined to a church service. So, get on the phone and call a girlfriend. Make a date to get together and catch up. If that’s just not possible right now, a quick chat on the phone would probably encourage and bless you both.
This mug is a funny & unexpected "just because" gift from a girlfriend.
June 21, 2009 at 7:57 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: correction, criticism, encouraging, teachers, teaching, writing
I spent the bulk of this afternoon and early evening grading the first batch of essays for my expository writing students. As a professor, I love the time before the grading of the first essay; it is like the “honeymoon” period, and with this particular group, it has been very enjoyable–with interesting and lively class discussions, insightful questions, and practice writing taking place inside and outside of class. We like each other!
Then, it is time to grade that first essay. It is a time when I may discover that the student that makes the extremely astute comments in class is a mediocre writer. In any case, it is time to give criticism. Of course, this is a necessary part of teaching–grading and giving feedback; yet, I also feel it is a task to handle with care because feelings are at stake, and an open teacher-student relationship hangs tottering in the balance. While a part of me may feel on some level that their grade is their grade and they can read my comments and adhere to them or not, since I am trying to live out the character of Christ, I am asking myself, how would Jesus say this?
The first thing that I am doing differently with this batch of essays, is writing the comments in the form of a note by beginning my feedback with addressing the students by their first names. I think this is a reminder of the relationship and hopefully will remind them that I am tailoring my response just for them, not just slapping down comments on a generic essay. Second, I am making an effort to comment first on all of the things the writer is doing well, and last, I give the directive comments that clarify why the grade is what it is.
I am not sure how big of a difference these steps I am taking will make to my students, but they make a difference to me. Even though giving criticism (constructive criticism) is my job, I want to exhibit gentleness. I also close off the comments (especially if the grade is low) with an invitation for further conversation with me about the essay. In order for criticism to be effectively given and received, the bridge of the relationship must be sturdy and open.
For many years I have been aware of the adage, “Praise in public; criticize in private.” I try to follow this rule in regard to my students speaking highly of them all in classroom situations, to their peers, and to colleagues. I think because writing is so personal–even academic writing, there is a danger of taking criticism of the writing as a personal attack. I was a sensitive student myself, and anything less than positive remarks on a paper were really taken to heart.
Now, I am convinced more than ever that one of the most important qualities of an effective teacher (and person?) is to have a teachable spirit. I know that I do not know everything. I know that there are many subjects in which my students have more knowledge and expertise than I do, and I try to acknowledge that. If I make a mistake in class, and they point it out to me–my goal here is to teach them by example how to respond to criticism. I admit my mistake, make a joke about it, correct the mistake and move on. I want to be the kind of teacher and woman, who is always teachable–ready to learn and ready to improve. I also pray that I will be so tuned in to the Lord and the people around me that a gentle whisper of loving criticism will convey the message and I will respond quickly.
June 20, 2009 at 6:57 am (Fathers day, Recipes)
Tags: baking, Father's Day gifts, Recipes
I am trying to get an early start this morning–making the trip to deliver Father’s Day gifts. Since my dads are so difficult to shop for, this year I decided to make them treats. I made my dad his favorite cookie–chocolate chip with walnuts. For my stepdad, I baked an oatmeal cake. Yesterday, after my class was over, I headed home to commence baking. Sadly, I had to make a run to the grocery store inbetween making to get more butter. You can never have enough butter, if you like to bake. I also decided that I need longer aprons. I am messy in the kitchen.
Anyway, baked goods make a lovely, personal gift for dad. They add a personal touch, and show a willingness to invest time, not just money, in creating a gift of appreciation for all fathers are and all fathers do.
If you want to make the chocolate chip cookies, just follow the recipe on the package. I like to use real butter when I bake, and add walnuts or pecans to the batter. The oatmeal cake is delicious, and not difficult to make. The recipe is below.
Oatmeal Cake
Pour boiling water over oatmeal; stir and let stand until cool. Cream butter and sugar; add the beaten eggs. In a separate bowl, combine flour, soda, cinnamon and salt; add alternately with the oatmeal. Pour into a greased 9×13 dish and bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes. While cake is baking, mix the remaining ingredients. Spread topping over hot cake. Broil 4 inches from heat until melted and bubbly. Watch the cake carefully so that it doesn’t burn.
Stepdad's delicious oatmeal cake!
Dad's yummy chocolate chip cookies!
June 19, 2009 at 2:12 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: Christian women, Dads, Fathers day, Prayer for Fathers, Stepdads
The importance of fathers is largely underestimated. We make a big deal out of Mothers’ Day, and it all comes so naturally because women are so easy to buy for, easy to treat. What to get a dad? This is hard. My dad has plenty of ties, pocket knives, tie chains, so on and so forth. He and my stepdad both never want anything or need anything. Yet, I want to honor them this weekend. So, I will share some of their good deeds–deeds that make me thankful for them as I admire the wonderful and diverse qualities of fathers.
Dad Still Rescues Me
A month or so ago, I attended a dinner and play in my old hometown. I am not that familiar with the area anymore, but I thought I would be fine as I scurried back on foot from the theatre to the parking garage to get my car and head home. I don’t go out much, and it was past my bedtime. Well, to sum it all up: I couldn’t find my car. I walked every floor of that huge parking garage searching for my dusty, Honda Civic, but it was as if it had disappeared. My feet hurt, it was muggy, and there is of course the fact that downtown parking garages are not the safest place to be–especially late at night. My husband was an hour-and-a-half away. I was certain my mother was already in bed.
Even though it was late I called my dad. He is a social sort, so I didn’t wake him up or anything; he was actually out with some friends. He met me at the parking garage entrance a few minutes later, and drove me around and helped me look for my car. I was a little panicky, but he was calm. To him, this was just an opportunity for us to visit, when we are both normally so rushed. After a lot of driving up and down the same ramps a few times, he asked “Are you sure you parking in this garage? There’s another one right over there.” He pointed to an identical garage on the next block. His instinct was right. I had wandered back to the wrong parking garage. Dad helped me find my car and I followed him out of the web of streets that makeup the downtown area. I may be thirty-five, married, and have my own home now, but apparently, I am never too old to be rescued by my dad.
Doubly Bessed–My Stepdad
In addition to my great father, I am blessed with a wonderful stepfather. He and my mother married when I was eighteen, and while we did not bond immediately, I started to love him as I saw how much he loved my mom and how well he treated her.
My step dad is often fixing my car, replacing brake lights, listening to “funny noises” and checking its fluids. He is a hardworker. Besides meeting the demands of his own business, whenever possible, he manages to clean the house from top to bottom before the weekend, always helps with the dishes and helps my mom make the bed. Who wouldn’t envy that?
Over the Easter holiday, my mother was recovering from major surgery. She was a little down and did not have much energy. We spent a day together at her house visiting and doing “Eastery” things. We decorated eggs, and I mixed up cookie dough to make sugar cookies to decorate. Once the cookies were baked, Mom was still lacking in energy, as I thought she might be. I set out to decorate a ton of cut-out cookies myself. Before I even got started, my stepdad had joined me in the kitchen and was icing cookies like a pro.
Seeing my dad and stepdad exemplify so many aspects of a loving father, really helps me relate to my Heavenly Father. If my human, imperfect “fathers” are ready to rescue me at a moment’s notice, treasure a bit of conversation with me, are ever ready to help–how much more so is my Heavenly Father?
Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for the blessing of fathers. I honor them, and I pray that you would give them strength, grace and mercy to become the men that you have called them to be. Help them to be godly and loving husbands and fathers. Establish the work of their hands. Please let them know how important their purpose is and that they are set apart for your special plans. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.
June 18, 2009 at 7:04 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: easy dessert, strawberries, strawberry dessert, summer
Strawberries are a perfect summer food–fresh, sweet, juicy, and loaded with vitamin C. Who doesn’t like strawberries? I hope someday to have my own patch, but in the meantime, my husband and I have been blessed by relatives with a huge patch who like to share. I have spent some summer afternoons hulling these bright red berries, and also received a gallon bag already hulled. What a treat! While I might dive into the task of making jams and jellies once summer school ends, right now I have a great strawberry dessert recipe I want to share–the perfect dish for your strawberries to work their magic.
Strawberry Delight
1. Dissolve the Jell-O in boiling water. Add the strawberries. Chill until soupy.
2. Break cake in bite size pieces in bottom of 9×13 inch pan. Fold Cool Whip into Jell-O mix and pour over top of cake pieces.
3. Set until firm or over night.
Notes:
The strawberries can be frozen, but you will have to break them up and that can be very cold on sensitve fingers!
Try not to snack on the angel food bits as you are tearing them up.
Enjoy!
June 17, 2009 at 11:48 am (Love Dare)
Tags: books, Christianity, dating, Love Dare, marriage, relationships
I am making my way through The Love Dare by Stephen & Alex Kendrick, and while I haven’t enjoyed all of the dares, I have come across a favorite that I want to share. It is Day 18’s lesson that “Love seeks to understand.”
This portion of the book brings to mind the fascination we have for our spouse when we first met. We notice everything about them, and make little lists in our heads of his “likes” and “dislikes.” We listen so closely to what he says that we are able to repeat it back verbatim to our twenty closes girlfriends, in an attitude of pure gush. We relish the tiniest details. Early on, our mate is an exciting mystery and we are thrilled with each new thing we learn about them. In our early days of dating I remember learning that my boyfriend/now husband doesn’t like eggs, has a quirky sense of humor, and has old-fashioned ideals. I learned about quirky details–his admiration for the music of Weird Al, his interest in politics and talk radio, his memories of his grandparents. I could not be bored. I could not find out enough.
At some point after marriage, this fascination with learning about our spouses fades. They become less mysterious to us, as we are convinced that we know them. The authors of The Love Dare frame this idea very well. They use the analogy of degrees–when you marry, it’s like having a high school diploma in knowing your spouse. So, the goal in marriage is to continue your study, knowledge, and fascination of him until you attain a bachelor’s, master’s and PhD in your spouse. There is more to learn about them, more mystery, more to understand.
Here are some questions to consider: do you know your spouse’s deepest dreams and desires? Do you know what he/she fears or struggles with? Do you understand how your spouse prefers to give/receive love?
The actual dare: prepare a nice meal at home for the two of you–make it as simple or as fancy as you wish, and devote the time to getting to know your spouse better. Show interest, ask questions, and really listen.
My exerience: the day I did this dare was crazy-busy. I prepared a nice dinner, but the dare hit on a day when my husband had a lot of farmwork to get back to after we ate, so I asked few questions. Admittedly, it was not the leisurely dinner, with intimate conversation that I pictured. That’s okay. Gotta be flexible. I have filed this dare away, and plan to do it as often as possible.
June 16, 2009 at 3:02 pm (Christian books, Christian women, Uncategorized)
Tags: books, Christianity, prayer groups, The Yada Yada Prayer Group, women
Just looking at the cover of the book The Yada Yada Prayer Group, by Neta Jackson brings a smile to my face. I love the fun socks, different skin tones, and painted daisy halves that cap off each set of legs. The book starts out with the main character, Jodie, and her friend/boss attending a women’s conference. It’s there that they are randomly placed in a prayer group for the duration of the conference. Due to a series of serious events, the women decide to stay in touch, and continue praying together and for one another after the weekend conference ends.
Jodie Baxter, the narrator, is a born and raised Christian who is good at adhering to rules, but learns to let grace into her life. At times, she can be an annoying character–quick to judge and easily upset, but perhaps what makes this “Christian” book interesting to me is that the characters are real, not cookie cutters of a religious ideal. Jodie has a fit every time her husband has a beer, even though he doesn’t drink to access. She worries about what her friends will think if they see beer in her fridge. Funny–and true to life.
Florida, becomes Jodie’s unlikely close friend she meets at the conference. Their friendship is an important part of the book, and Florida could not be more different than a stereotypical Christian. She is a recovering addict, who still smokes cigarettes. She does not try to hide it, but simply explains that God hasn’t dealt with her about that yet. I liked the way this was presented in the book because I think the more common response would be to see a swarm of women surrounding a smoker preaching to her or trying to exert control over her situation. The other members of the prayer group are from a variety of religious, ethnic, and socio-economic backgrounds. They are unlikely friends, but they learn to care about each other, and take praying for members of the group very seriously.
As for the title of the book, in the course of the plot, one member of the group shares that “yada” as defined in the Hebrew dictionary, means “to perceive, understand, acquire knowledge, know, discern.” Another definition offered in the book is “To be known, make oneself known, to be familiar.” So, Yada Yada hits the heart of what many women want and need–to be known & to know–as in close friends, good relationships, girlfriends you can count on.
This is the first book in a series about the same group of women. I wouldn’t be opposed to reading the next book, but I don’t feel driven to go out and get it. More than anything, reading this book made me long for a yada yada prayer group of my own. It has been a long time since I have had women friends to pray with, but I remember when I did, how intimate and how encouraging it was. So, my new prayer request is for women to pray with that are geographically close enough to meet in person. In the meantime, I think I will make it more of a priority to call my close girlfriends and see if they would be up for praying together on the phone. Reading The Yada Yada Prayer Group will encourage you, give you a deeper appreciation for your friends, and spur you to seek out more.
June 15, 2009 at 6:08 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: attitude, Christian women, Mondays, prayer, stress, time management
It is 5:40 p.m. I have not had a nice, long time of worship and Bible reading. I have not exercised. I have not read my “fun” book, and I have yet to start dinner. What have I done today? 1. Approximately 4 1/2 hours of one-on-one conferences with my writing students 2. Two short devotional readings 3. Prayed while on my way to do something else. 4. Spent an inordinate amount of time trying to access my Salliemae account, then more time on the phone with customer service. 5. Ate too much chocolate.
To keep from being bummed out all evening from a day of stressful demands, I begin by reframing the day–in other words, I practice the saying “if you can’t change something, change the way you look at it.” So, instead of belaboring the fact that I spent a lot of my day conferring with students with possibly no direct effect on their writing, I will rejoice in the fact that I got to spend twenty minutes today with each of my students. Each student is unique and interesting, full of hopes and dreams, struggling to find a voice and use words to say what they need to say. As a professor, my students are the most important part of my job. They are a blessing. Next, instead of beating myself up for not having a lengthy and glorious time in solitude with the Lord today, I will rejoice in his grace. I am thankful that he hears my prayers whether I am on my knees alone in the living room blaring worship music, or sitting at my desk focusing on him between conferences. I am thankful that I have a God who hears me and that I can pray anywhere, and let every task I take on be an act of worship to him because that is the focus of my heart. Instead of being down on myself for eating chocolate, I will just accept the fact that I enjoy chocolate, it is a delicious treat from the hand of God, and I do not eat chocolate every day. No big deal.
I have ideals. I have goals. I do not always meet them, and that’s okay. I am thanking God for teaching me to be flexible and adapt to the needs of the day. I can pry my eyes from the tasks left on my “to do” list, and worship God my attending to what’s needed right now. I am going to go in the kitchen and prepare a meal for my husband. I will listen to a worship CD while I cook. I will have a heart of praise while I am browning hamburger and boiling spaghetti. I will tear lettuce leaves with a serene smile on my face, as I thank God for all of my blessings, both large and small.
God bless this day. God bless my circumstances. Amen.
June 14, 2009 at 1:12 pm (Christian women, Uncategorized)
Tags: beauty, bubble bath, gratitude, reflection, rest, self-nurturing, Sunday
It is a very special thing to a have some extra time for personal reflection and prayer on Sundays. Yet, between church, preparing meals, caring for husbands and children, and the pending workload coming on Monday, it may be difficult to make it happen.
Ask the husband nicely to watch the kids for twenty minutes or so. Light a candle in the bathroom and close the door. Use some bubble bath, bath salts, a bathbomb–whatever you like as a bath additive. Right now, I am into cupcake bath bombs and bubble baths. If you’re lacking in “bath stuff,” try adding a milk and honey mixture (right out of the kitchen) to your bath water.
Soak and relax until your toes prune up. While you’re in there, close your eyes and count your blessings. Focus on all of the things in your life that you have to be grateful for and offer up your thanks to God.
Thinking about our blessings helps us appreciate them more. It also refocuses our minds on the source of all good gifts: the Lord. When you emerge from the tub, you will be refreshed physically, mentally, and spiritually. Take a gratitude bath get-away today!
